


can you be my family?

by dearsanshine



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Jaemin being Jaemin, M/M, Mention of Child Abuse, Obsession, Psychological Horror, chenle is his first home, chensung are bestfriends, inspired of orphan, jeno is a good brother, jisung deserves better - Freeform, jisung wants a family, markhyuck being incharge of being the parents, psychological abuse, renjun is shady with everything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 13:37:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18757513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearsanshine/pseuds/dearsanshine
Summary: jisung's only wish is to have a family who's willing to shower him the love and care to him as if he was their legitimate child, something that his parents never gave on him even once.but jisung has his skeletons in the closet even on his young age. and rejection is the only emotion that he despise the most.





	can you be my family?

**Author's Note:**

> hello so i hope y’all have already checked the tags and i’m sorry but if you are looking for a fluff story then this story isn’t for you.
> 
> so there will be some mentioning of serious psychological issues (psychological horror) as you can see with my tags and i’ll probably be explicit with my use of words when i update the next chapters (i’ll just put another note to warn you all that this story is pure angst) but well, i also want to leave a lesson from this story. i dont want to fill this with brutality hehe so don’t worry, i want to pour my emotions and dedication while writing this story!
> 
> i will constantly update this story since school will be on one month before it starts so i still have plenty of time to update. i’m hoping that i could reach your expectations soon.
> 
> enjoy reading! xoxo!

"are... are you sure?" the young boy's voice trembles in too much anxiety while asking for assurance to the older boy. it wasn't long when chenle smiled on jisung brightly, making his eyes disappear as well, "don't be stressed out, jisung. they are probably the coolest people out here in our school," the older boy said without breaking the smile in his face that somehow, made jisung and his nerves to calm from the anxiety.

jisung looked down in the marbled floor, sighing as a little waves of his anxiety didn't stop from making his nervousness ignites from the sudden offer of chenle that he'll introduce the younger boy on other people. for a moment, jisung blinked and he tried to bring out a little courage to speak back to the older friend, "but... i-i don't know..." jisung is still struggling to speak up, even gathering a word failed because of his stupid anxiety that leads his emotions right now, "i'm... curious if they'll accept me.. but i don't kno—"

"you mind need this first to lower down your nerves," chenle disturbs him on speaking, handling the younger friend of a chocolate drink and jisung didn't hesitates to refuse the drink offered by his friend because it was the primary thing that he needs at this moment, he thought.

it was quick when jisung finished the box of chocolate drink because finally, he can feel his throat hydrated and his nerves lowered from the anxiety. he closed his eyes and chenle came to his friend closer to massage the his back, "do you feel better now?"

jisung knows when chenle asks him the same question. he opened his eyes once again, welcomed by the warm presence of chenle, "i'm good," jisung mumbles underneath his heavy breathing, "t-thank you..." he added with more calmed tone.

jisung is very thankful that chenle is always there to rescue him whenever his anxiety is being a bitch again. jisung can't predict if his anxiety will storm out again, it could be anytime and anywhere. it only sucks that whenever he is alone, there would be a certain period that his anxiety will occur but most of the time, it will only occure whenever there would be new people that he will meet, scared of something that _maybe_ , sooner or later, these people who will come to his life will leave him behind.

jisung didn't realized that he was spacing out already if chenle didn't tap his shoulder, "you must be thinking of something again?"

i think a lot always, "no.. i'm just scared," jisung admits to the older friend, but he didn't tell him narrowly about it. _there's no point of telling him on what's going on inside my mind_ , "that was the same line that you told me before we became friends!" chenle laugh heartily as he reminisced the moment that he met his best friend back then, "and look as us right now? we're totally best of best friends~" he added, eyes glistening in joy while talking to jisung and somewhat, the younger boy smiled to his thought.

of course, jisung remembers _everything_. from the first day he met the wonderful person beside him right now to the things that they talked together, about playing around with chenle's gift for him which is slime, robots that are way too impossible for jisung to afford but chenle can. it wasn't expected that the lone kid with big thick eyeglasses and curled noodle-like hair that always brings a miniature robots and science book will have a loud and outgoing friend like zhong chenle.

jisung didn't wish for a materialistic happiness but it's on his plan to thank chenle later for giving him the gifts that he can't possibly pay back but he doesn't know how to start on it. the older friend itself is already considered a gift for him, firstly because chenle is his one and only friend in their campus and probably his first friend too. he can't initiate the conversation to anyone no matter how much he wants to scream that he _wants_ a friend, he got used of his silence before that it almost turned him suppressed.

"sometimes, you have to go out in your comfort zone," chenle's word snapped him back from reality and he blinks too fast, "you're way too timid. you need more friends, jisung!" chenle suggested in motivating tone as the younger friend glimpsed on him with a confused look, "they are actually fun to be with! i'm pretty sure that you'll enjoy their company as much as we enjoy being together. if i'm not around, who would be there to be your shoulder?" it was the assurance that jisung wants to hear from chenle, there's a hint on his voice suggesting that jisung _needs_ more _friend_  to be with him.

"you need some more people to look after you if your anxiety attacks you again," chenle added, looking intently concerned and worried of his buddy beside him, brows furrowed in seriousness, "i must admit: i'm not the perfect best friend.. remember the time when you messaged me?"

chenle knows to himself that he wasn't perfect as a best friend. one time, he was on his vacation at his hometown to spend some quality time with his family during the christmas break but then, a message popped on his phone one night that completely made him feel the responsibility to be present with jisung: a messaged from him of a single dot. it was something that they've discussed before; jisung couldn't type normally during the hit of waves, his fingers will shake hardly first before he could lift his hands to grab the device to contact the only person on his phonebook—chenle. probably the sole person that he could contact in case of emergency and the younger could sense that he was getting heavier of a burden to the only person that he talks to as time goes by but he had no choice anymore. he'd shed a bundle of tears first before he could gather the slightest courage to interact with anybody for a help.

and it made chenle feel the need to take care of his friend. he wasn't there when the poor boy went through his attacks of sudden nerve-wrecking suffering and it makes the chinese boy guilty for leaving his very own best friend, alone enduring the waves of tension that would suddenly bother the younger, whether he is on a deep slumber or eyes open.

_"hey sung... mom knows a therapist, do you mind if we will seek for help?" chenle said in a soft manner, fixing a gaze to the younger boy much with mixed worry and concern to his narrow eyes. meanwhile jisung didn't bother to look up his eyes that moves with the same pattern of left and right, and vise versa, with his sad puppy eyes filled with tears of suffering and sadness._

_"no, le.... their words... it'll fade... no more... it.. hurts more... it... kills..." jisung slammed him big hands onto his chest, pointing out the chords that causes him to endure the prick and swear, chenle probably heard the younger boy's ribs crack with the impact of his trembling hands, "t-they're true, lele.... j-jisung is.. homeless.. u-unlovable... ugly a-and—" jisung's throat went dry and painful before he could finish his words, his breathing becoming too hard to catch as he continues to choke on his weeps, with the heaviness of the emotions on his chest that he wants nothing but to have its end now but he couldn't. he knows that no medicine or verses will save him from the pain._

_"sung please look at me!" chenle begged desperately to the broken kid, shaking its shoulders and forcefully facing jisung's face painted with colorless colors, as if the transparency of the color that runs from his younger friend's innocent eyes signifies the blue devils inside him, putting an ignition to kill slowly  jisung under the deep melancholia, "will you please... listen on me?" he pleaded softly to the younger with its eyes still averted. after a few moments, jisung finally looked at him, his face still dampen with the tears but it wasn't only the thing chenle noticed the moment he saw the younger's face—suddenly, a questioned popped to his mind like how in earth that someone could be this beautiful even with their tears dropping from their eyes like jisung?_

_but then, the realization hits chenle that he couldn't just adore the younger's pitiful situation at this moment. because someone needs a comfort, not a compliment._

_chenle breathes deep, initiating the conversation and to answer the younger kid, "listen, sung: you're not homeless, you got my mansion to live and i'm here as your friend to be your home and comfort. no, you are definitely the loveliest person! heck, i'm willing to turn myself gay forever for you because i love you to the moon and back! you may be sharp with your words sometimes but you are the softest person i've ever met and oh, you will never be ugly. have you asked me how much cuteness that oozes from you? no? well here's my answer: you're beautiful," chenle didn't let himself have any single mistake on telling the younger of facts that he thinks that may help him to calm down._

_but jisung shook his head, "no... they told me, it was all wrong..." he mumbles, barely audible and shaking. chenle exactly know what jisung wants to tell him about it. lately, he taught himself about the meaning of someone else's statement whether it is explicit or not, "it's a m-mistake..."_

and it was the cue for chenle to think an alternative idea for his friend. to find him more people to rely on beside him because he wouldn't fucking lie to his own that he's never perfect, that he couldn't be always there to his friend. if he doesn't like to be admitted with a doctor, perhaps his idea of introducing him to his circle of trusted people could be the therapy that jisung needs. well, atleast for chenle, having the friends to be his personal freedom wall for expressing your emotions helps him big time.

chenle doesn't want to force jisung to socialize but atleast, he wants to see his best friend to be with someone that he could rely on if he's not around.

"will you stop that kind of look? you look...ugly," there's his nature of being straight forward, jisung teased chenle with his disgusted faced when he saw the serious face of the chinese boy, something that didn't bumped on his imagination beside with his usual bubbly and bright face but chenle just pouted his pinkish lips in defeat, "shut up! i'm being serious right now and yet, you're being that jisung again," he was talking about the younger's savage attempts to act like he doesn't like it and chenle only releases a sigh, "but... i'm going to ask you seriously: how will you cope with the waves again? without anyone around you, even me?"

oh, jisung have asked himself the same question frequently as well: what if he's alone? what if his dear best friend is not around to comfort him? who would help his weak and dependent ass? and honestly, he doesn't know anyone to be present by his side if there wouldn't be chenle beside his side on every storm of his stupid anxiety. sometimes, jisung wondered if his best friend did a magic on him so that he'd become this very attached and dependent on chenle.

the younger sighted for the nth time, "i don't know either," jisung answered.

"that's why i want to introduce you to my other friends. they are older than us but i assure you that you can trust them with you problems," chenle assured him, ruffling the younger's hair.

jisung looked up on him, locking an intent gaze to the older's eyes, "they... they'll accept me right?" his hazel colored eyes didn't left his friend's eyes, giving chenle his hopeful eyes. _will they accept a boring kid like me?_ _chenle's friends must be picky. i have nothing to show off on them._

"some of them can be a little bit of bratty and annoying but they won't judge! actually... i've told them about you already before." the chinese boy stated with a smile plastered on his face, "and guess what? they are actually looking forward to see you! i've told them that you are younger than me, and very cute."

and somewhat, jisung's silence was exchanged with the awkward blushing of his face after hearing chenle's last word. _did he really told them that—_ "stop clowning on me!" jisung yelled at him, his anxiety finally fading away from his nerves.

"i had to tell them that you're cute so they will stop bugging on me," in defense of jisung's accusation, chenle lied on him about it and jisung seems to be too smart to buy the lame excuses of his friend, "you gotta admit that they didn't force you but because you said that in purpose!"

"i didn't!"

"yes you did!"

"try me!"

"just be honest—"

"hah, no way! why would i tell them that anyways? the fact i'm still way cute-er than you will never change! are you done now?" chenle spatted out loudly with confidence and the younger is expectingly not shocked of the over flowing confidence of the chinese, rolling his eyes out of him in annoyance. _chenle and his lame antics_ , he thought.

after a few moments of silence of chenle trying to hold on his laugher, the chinese boy have finally recovered from it. he faked his cough, making jisung to look at him with a crumpled facial expression evidence that he is still annoyed of chenle, "so... they texted me if where are we now,"  chenle professedly opening his gold-worthy of gadget, sliding his delicate white hands through the screen that has a proof of how careful the chinese every time he uses it, "they are now at the café—oh wait i thought they want to play at the arcade?"

jisung blinks twice, trying to process his words, "wait... we are meeting them... today?" he wasn't totally prepared to the sudden meet up but there's something that makes him anticipate the said meet up with chenle's other friends—kids that are probably raised with silver spoons sucked on their mouths and children of mighty, having the big names under their five million worth of surname signature which jisung concludes that he's none of the above. he's _just_ park jisung, a 15 year old middle school student who lives alone with his collections of cut-priced robots.

the younger boy earned a nod form chenle. _oh so i am really meeting these kids?_ "they like to play with computer games but these brats keeps on getting strikes of lose with their games for being dumb as fuck so you have to teach their asses with your skills," chenle mentions and he tapped his back strongly and jisung have never felt any excitement to meet chenle's friends the moment he heard the word 'computer', totally forgetting that he had an anxiety several minutes ago.

jisung _will try_ —at least for him, he had a slight assurance there'll be some people that he could play with his hobby beside chenle who always sponsor him of premium—and not just a trial or demo version of his favorite games. a side of him tells that it could be the good start for him to get out of his shell slowly and a slight waves of nervousness didn't fail to meddle.

but he wanted to follow his hunch for once right now. maybe nothing will be lost if he'll try.

"okay."


End file.
